We have been so fortunate to have friends that have adopted that have shared the good the bad and the ugly with us. The reality is that it's not all fun and fairy tales. Without authentic and sincere friends we might have nievely thought otherwise.
The attachment issues are tough. I know this has been hard on Ashley. Calli is warming up but it is slow - and it resets everyday. It's hard when she lets me tickle her, kiss her, and cuddle but she turns away from Ash. Ashley feeds her and holds her; it's not as if there is no interaction. But is is certainly different. And it is different than what we prepared our hearts for. I expected to be in Ashley's shoes.
It can be tough in my shoes too. 24/7 she wants me, wants to be with me. Shower. Bathroom. Sleep. Restaurant. She is napping on me as I type this. It is a lot! I get all the smiles and laughs, but I get all the tears and tantrums too.
We are honest enough with each other that we have admitted that at times we have been both jealous of each other's shoes and also thankful at times for the shoes we're wearing. It is certainly an emotional roller coaster. We are just trying to be as brave and patient as Calli is!
The schedule is no fairy tale. Being in China is an adventure - in a good way, but trying to adjust while being in an unfamiliar place and moving around is stressful.
The emotions are no fairy tale.
The what happens when we get home and in the real world questions are no fairy tale.
The special needs are not a fairy tale.
"I just feel like I'm on overload!" - Ashley
The good outweighs the bad and the ugly by far. The good will continue to grow and grow. There will be more bad and there will be more ugly - that's parenting! The good is what you remember. It's what you cherish. We cherish our sweetsie Calli Fei Fei (that's what Cooper calls her).
Admitting in the middle of all the fun and fairy tale that there's struggle and stress seems like the right thing to do. For me it is a good reminder that I am not the hero in this story. And neither is Ashley. My hero adopted me. He knows my tears and my pain, he can handle my stress and my weakness, and he knows my flaws. Yet, he loves me. He chose me. He sacrificed for me. He sustains me. He adopted me - the good, the bad, and the ugly.
If he is calling you to this wonderful adventure I want to be a good enough friend to tell you he will be the hero in your story too - and that's good because you'll need him.
Randy and Ashley, I am so proud of your walk with our soon coming King!
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you have Him to give you exactly what you need.
Love, Papas (David)
Having gone through this, I SO want to talk to you!!! We got our Emilee at 18 months too! IT WILL HAPPEN!!! There is a very real spiritual battle of abandonment with these babies!!! Pray God's word over her! He will never leaver her or forsake her. She will come along - but these babies that are older, it will be a little more of a challenge. I will be praying!!! Thank you Lord for rescuing this precious baby! Thank you for your unfailing love over her and that you sing over her! May she experience your peace and let the bond come between her and her forever mommy! Bless you Lord for your work!
ReplyDeleteI have some friends that started "Hope for Orphans" ministry if you would like that contact! Blessings!!! Jill Young
We are just 2 weeks ahead of you guys, and I can honestly say this is the hardest thing we've ever done. I have not been shy about how difficult adoption is on our blog (although I do leave some things out :) Some people seem to LOVE being in country, but we could not have been more homesick. It is so good to get home and start settling there. I was in Ashley's shoes while we were there, and Stephen was wearing yours. Two weeks home, and Joshua is a different child around me. It's hard every day. I told Stephen that sometimes it feels like Groundhog Day (the movie) as I "reset" every day. But if we look week by week, we see significant progress. Man, it's hard, and the rewards can be few at the beginning, but I know they will come and our Hero will sustain us through it all.
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