Hospital Thoughts

Our hospital stay was very special to me, in ways that I did not expect. I journaled about it when we came home and everyone but Calli and I were at church on Sunday. I want to record it here, so that it is in Calli's book someday and so that she knows how sweet this time was for me.

 

"The whole hospital stay was a little surreal to me. The only other times I've stayed in a hospital were when Kendall and Cooper were born, so that's what I think of when I think of being in a hospital. Those were some of the sweetest days of my life and are honestly something I miss when I think about being done having children. I just loved those days when it was all about taking care of my babies, learning more about them, and just focusing on them. I have grieved that I missed that sweet time with Calli. Well, the past two days in the hospital totally felt like God was giving me that time back. It started after surgery when we were taken up to our room. They let me carry Calli, but I had to ride in a wheelchair. That totally made me feel like I had a newborn. Then, when we were settled, she just wanted me to hold her. I just soaked that up. Not only did I feel like God was giving me and her that "newborn" time back, I also felt like he was redeeming that SO HARD time in China. She was so scared then, she was grieving so much, and I SO badly wanted her to let me comfort her. She didn't then, but now she was. She was hurting and she wanted ME! I thanked God over and over as I held her and just soaked up the fact that she was allowing me to comfort her. Randy left at one point to go grab some food for us and it was just me and Calli, snugging in the bed in our room. I wept tears of joy at the sweet time we were having and at the many works God has done in her little life - in the past four months AND in her whole two years. I am overwhelmed by the blessing of being her mama and at the way she lets me love her."

 

And now, this week, even though it has been hard, has also been such a joy. I think that when I would normally be frustrated by her neediness, or tired because of lack of sleep, I have just been thankful that she is wanting me to comfort her. I'm not sure if that's why God allowed our time in China to go the way it did - I'm sure there were many other reasons, especially the sweet time she had with her Daddy - but that two weeks being so hard has made me ONLY thankful for the difference in her behavior now, just four months later. I am ONLY thankful to get to hold her all day. I am ONLY thankful to rock her in the middle of the night. God has bonded us together in a way that ONLY he can in such a short amount of time, and I am so thankful.