Bonding Check

Nothing makes you realize how much your love for your child has grown like deciding that they will have surgery next week.  Yes, next week!  We met Dr. T for our first appointment today at UT Pediatric (or t.u.).  He said, "Let's do this ASAP!"  It turns out ASAP is next Wednesday, May 15.  He sees no reason to wait, and we don't either.  This was faster than we ever expected but not faster than what we are comfortable with.  However, our heads are spinning!  We left the appointment wanting to throw up.  Not because we made the wrong choice, but because:
- We've never had a child that needed surgery
- We don't want her to hurt
- We don't want her to be scared
- We don't want her beautiful face to change
- We don't want her smile to change
- We don't want her to not like the way she looks when she is older
- We love her
But, those are the very same reasons that we are doing this.

It was a major gut check.  A clear indicator of how deep our love has grown since we met 4 weeks ago yesterday.  We hurt at the thought of her hurting.  She is our daughter!

It is so much to process, and we feel like we have already processed so much.  We're exhausted - but we are up for this!

This may not make sense to others, but we fell in love with her little face just the way it is.  Her smile makes us smile just the way it is.  The thought of her face changing is strange.  Her face will continue to be beautiful and her smile will still light up a room - but it will be different.  And that makes us a little sad.

So, why now and what exactly is happening?
Calli will be having the surgery on her cleft lip.  Her palate reconstruction will be a separate surgery toward the end of summer.  The lip surgery is (shockingly) an outpatient procedure.  We will go in early on Wednesday morning, the procedure will take about 3 hours, and we will be at home before the end of the day.  Unlike the palate surgery, the pain and recovery are not too bad when you do just the lip.  She will even be able to eat the same day.  We know that will be very important to her - our little bottomless pit!

The reason to get this moving is mainly a speech issue.  At 20 months old the timing is very important.  All things considered we would not have made this decision if bonding, attachment, and the process of adjusting was not going so well.  Things are going so good!  We've obviously never done this before, but we feel like we are seeing rapid progress - everyday.  Calli is so comfortable at home.  She has connected so well with the girls.  She is "attached" to me and Ashley.  In fact, she cried big time while I was holding her at the doctor appointment when Ashley left the room to go speak to the business administrator.  I was shocked, a little offended, but totally excited.  We have even heard from friends that have been down the exact same road that the surgery can accelerate bonding and attachment.  We are praying that is the case.  We have every reason to believe that it will be - God has been so good to us, and answered every prayer - big and small - throughout this entire journey.  As always we are grateful for your prayers.

So, next week is another big week.  We will continue to love our baby through this - just the way she is.  And she will continue to be so brave!  It will be another bonding check, and we will find that somehow our love has already grown, again!

 At Dr. T's office.  We really liked him and all of his staff.

 Sweet pink cheeks!

Snack trap in hand!